pa-ping
It’s a text from me,
Want to get naked (emotionally)?
(You don’t have to answer that text just yet)
There is comfort in the known. To be vulnerable, to share that deep inside you, this begs questions of the unknown. Why bother lowering emotional walls. Walls that provide comfort from mental dangers. Peek over if others pressure, but these walls have to stay up… right?
They. Simply. Cannot.
How am I doing? I’m fine.
Do not climb over or crash through your walls. Make a plan to install a door on that wall, take a field trip into the unknown and ask some questions of it
In my experience, the best way to get to know someone, and therefore make friends, is to show genuine curiosity in them. Get them to talk about themselves and all that brings them joy, their adventures, and what makes them tick. Show interest in all that drives them. This creates a platform just large enough for the two of you share, a space to be just a bit vulnerable with you. You show care, your want to know them, your want to connect with them and share. By allowing another to be vulnerable with you, it can help you see the joy in sharing more yourself
Oh wow, you should tell me more about…
Begin with care and curiosity, ease into vulnerability
You may get lucky in your travels to find someone who will patiently wait outside your walls for them to lower. They may get a step-stool to peer over and check in on you. They may bring a ladder to climb over those walls and help you lower them. If your walls are high enough and this creature determined enough they may use a grappling hook to ensure you cannot block them out forever. These people are rare and special and will do anything in their power to help you help yourself
We cannot depend on meeting someone so determined.
We have to generate our own success.
But how can we make friends to be vulnerable with? How does one socialize normally?
…I just don’t know. I see the Sun and know I must perform, my social contract demands. Thankfully the Sun will lower and that door in the wall can open. The night sky will welcome us as stars always attract romance to the unknown. Why not wander the night and let curiosity guide our steps?
Have you ever had an emotional late night talk with someone you care about? Dim light and pleasant company. Some of my most treasured memories with those I care about happen in these spaces
A safe, vulnerable space with others
Have you guys ever thought about…
In high school, after getting food at IHOP with a group of friends, we all started to talk about secrets. And it was the first time I told anyone else other than my cat (and a candle) that I was gay. Thank you stars for helping me lower my walls just enough to share in that moment, thank you stars for starting my boy-kissing adventures
Don’t let yourself burst, release what’s inside just a bit at a time. If you haven’t shared in a while, it may be tempting to pour and pour and pour and- be careful if those walls are still up. We don’t want to flood this enclosed emotional space of ours
No matter what’s on your mind, who is in ear-shot, or what you need to say; someone will match your emotional freak. You never know the direction of possible connections until it happens. There will be false starts- connections that seem promising but don’t go where you want them to go. Remember, your mindset matters and will shape your success
Back when I broke up with my ex in my tumblr years, I felt mostly alone. I had very few friends and felt the need to connect and share, but my mindset was not correct. I thought to myself,
“I need to get another partner.”
And if I met someone new, no matter how cool they were or how much I wanted to know them more, if they were already in a relationship it didn’t feel worth trying to get to know them. They wouldn’t replace what I felt was missing. I should have let my curiosity for others stay infinite and get lost in everything that made them special. All I could think about was my immediate hurt, and not what I actually needed.
Let this echo within you and bounce off those emotional walls-
“I am enough.”
I am convinced that being vulnerable attracts serendipity. Sharing feelings you’re scared to share, having those talks you’ve been putting off, or even posting to the void online. Maybe it builds good will. Maybe it attracts luck. Maybe it just feels good to share and for others to see themselves in what you said. Maybe it’s just good to not feel alone in who you are, to feel connection after isolation.
Barring unfortunate exceptions, people are much more accepting than our internal monologue says. That slow inner voice cannot be trusted often, the weight of the words can be lifted through a label. Label it as ‘depression’, ‘anxiety’, or ‘just plain mean and untrue’. Attach a balloon to that nagging thought, write a label upon it and let it fly away. Don’t let the weight of that voice prevent you from trying
To be clear, vulnerability is not trauma dumping or over-sharing. If you ever worry of this, remember a simple question is all you need,
Hey, do you mind if I talk about something that’s been on my mind?
This allows the other person space to let you in. Even the best person for you to connect with might be busy or going through it themselves, allow them to say yes, not now, or no. An answer is always better than a lingering curiosity
Your feelings don’t exist in a vaccuum. There are so many feelings to have and it’s certain someone out there feels like you, opening up your locked door is the first step towards finding connection
There is no joy as unbridled as discovering someone else has felt as strange and alien as you and that your shame and your mistakes are not so large and monstrous and may even be ordinary, forgivable. - Sophia Theories
Let’s get lost in each other and untangle those feelings together. Share with your journal, with your plant, a cat; anything to help yourself begin to open up
Let’s get naked (emotionally) together
Inspired by Lovers & Family & Houses & Home by The Low Blow / Topiary Creatures I have got something that I’m scared to tell you I never thought I’d have to say it out loud.
…
I know I’ll fuck up and yet I’ll still feel like I’m meant to be happy - I’m meant to be loved.